Now that I have hit double digits as a neutral, I thought I would share some mediation practice tips for attorneys based on lessons learned over the last 10 years. Be Prepared. I prepare for every mediation, and you should too. You should know the case and also your client. …
Tag: mediation preparation
Mediator Insights: Stuck on No
Toddlers love the word “no.” Some grownups do too. I see this in mediations all too often. One side is stuck on “no” and my job is to help them become unstuck. To illustrate, let’s consider Tracey Corderoy’s No! Otto is adorable. Everyone says so – his parents, his grandparents,…
Mediator Insights: The Give and Take of Mediation
Mediation is a give and take. It requires listening and sharing. It requires understanding wants and needs. To illustrate, let’s consider Karen Kaufman Orloff’s “I Wanna Iguana.” In this story, young Alex’s friend Mikey is moving away and cannot take his pet iguana with him. Alex really, really, really wants…
Mediator Insights: Help
Never be afraid to ask your mediator for help. We all need a little help sometimes. To illustrate, let’s consider Audrey Wood’s Silly Sally, which is a children’s book written in rhyme. I’d like to share a few excerpts. “Silly Sally went to town, walking backwards, upside down.” “Along the…
Mayer Mediation Minute: Use Your Listening Ears
Have you ever said to your kids “use your listening ears”? Just as it is important that our children use their listening ears at home and at school, so too is it important that we use our listening ears in mediation. As a mediator, I work hard to listen to…
Mayer Mediation Minute: Believe
As a mediator, I start every mediation believing that we will find a path to resolution. You should believe it too. Why is it important for the parties to believe? Because if you believe it is possible then it will be. Belief shapes our thoughts and influences our actions. Our…
Mediator Insights: Don’t Just Know What You Want, Know What You Need
As parties prepare for mediation, they often focus on what they want. They want $X. They want out of a contract. They want to pay nothing. They want…. Sometimes parties forget to also consider what they need. There is a big difference between what you want (e.g., everything you asked…
Mediator Insights: Don’t Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus in Mediation
While it may require time, patience, perseverance, and creativity, as a mediator, I truly believe that most disputes can be settled. But just because most disputes can one day be settled, does not mean that all disputes can be settled at any given time. To illustrate, let’s consider Mo Willems’…
Mediator Insights: A Glimpse Behind the Curtain
Offering a glimpse behind the mediator’s curtain to enhance parties’ ability to find the yellow brick road paving the path to resolution of disputes in mediation. Drawing on analogies from the Wizard of Oz, this article offers suggestions to advocates in mediation. © 2022 by the American Bar Association. Reproduced…
Avoiding Thinking Snares in Mediation
Thinking snares are common barriers to conflict resolution in mediation. What are thinking snares? They are patterns of thinking that impede our ability to be objective, to weigh conflicting information, and to re-evaluate positions. Let me share a story providing a truly stark example of a thinking snare. I had…