They said: This case is impossible to settle. I responded: It is only impossible if you don’t try. I am not referring to one specific mediation, but to a commonly identified obstacle to resolution. Parties often say in frustration “this is impossible.” But the important thing to understand is that…
Tag: Negotiation
Mediator Insights: Stuck on No
Toddlers love the word “no.” Some grownups do too. I see this in mediations all too often. One side is stuck on “no” and my job is to help them become unstuck. To illustrate, let’s consider Tracey Corderoy’s No! Otto is adorable. Everyone says so – his parents, his grandparents,…
ADR Insights on Business Divorces: I Heard It Through the Grapevine (Part 4 of 9)
Ooo I heard it through the grapevine Not much longer would you be mine Ooo I heard it through the grapevine And I’m just about to lose my mind. (Marvin Gaye’s I Heard It Through the Grapevine) (Written by Norman Whitfield and Barrett Strong) This is the fourth in the…
Mediator Insights: The Give and Take of Mediation
Mediation is a give and take. It requires listening and sharing. It requires understanding wants and needs. To illustrate, let’s consider Karen Kaufman Orloff’s “I Wanna Iguana.” In this story, young Alex’s friend Mikey is moving away and cannot take his pet iguana with him. Alex really, really, really wants…
MAYER MEDIATION MINUTE: Closure
Closure. Closure is generally defined as the act of closing or a comforting sense of finality. But what does closure mean in mediation? In mediation, closure is the sense of relief parties feel when they are able to put a dispute behind them. Particularly in emotionally charged, long-running, or very…
MAYER MEDIATION MINUTE: Be Curious
Today, I want to explore the importance of being curious. Curiosity allows us to learn and grow. Curiosity also leads to sharing. Sharing leads to understanding and connection. In mediation, understanding and connection can pave the path to resolution. So, in your next mediation, be curious. Curious about opposing views. …
Mediator Insights: Help
Never be afraid to ask your mediator for help. We all need a little help sometimes. To illustrate, let’s consider Audrey Wood’s Silly Sally, which is a children’s book written in rhyme. I’d like to share a few excerpts. “Silly Sally went to town, walking backwards, upside down.” “Along the…
Mayer Mediation Minute: Use Your Listening Ears
Have you ever said to your kids “use your listening ears”? Just as it is important that our children use their listening ears at home and at school, so too is it important that we use our listening ears in mediation. As a mediator, I work hard to listen to…
Mayer Mediation Minute: Word Cues
As a mediator, I pay attention to word cues. You should too. As you interact with others, listen for the words they use. Not just what the words mean, but the words that are said. Subconsciously, we all offer cues on how we process information. Someone who processes through logical…
Mayer Mediation Minute: Believe
As a mediator, I start every mediation believing that we will find a path to resolution. You should believe it too. Why is it important for the parties to believe? Because if you believe it is possible then it will be. Belief shapes our thoughts and influences our actions. Our…