Ooo I heard it through the grapevine Not much longer would you be mine Ooo I heard it through the grapevine And I’m just about to lose my mind. (Marvin Gaye’s I Heard It Through the Grapevine) (Written by Norman Whitfield and Barrett Strong) This is the fourth in the…
Tag: mediator’s toolbox
Mediator Insights: The Give and Take of Mediation
Mediation is a give and take. It requires listening and sharing. It requires understanding wants and needs. To illustrate, let’s consider Karen Kaufman Orloff’s “I Wanna Iguana.” In this story, young Alex’s friend Mikey is moving away and cannot take his pet iguana with him. Alex really, really, really wants…
ADR Insights: Goodnight Moon
“Goodnight room, goodnight moon, goodnight cow jumping over the moon…” Does just reading or hearing those words make you feel more relaxed? That is the beauty of Margaret Wise Brown’s book “Goodnight Moon.” Her book has helped children fall asleep for decades and teaches us a valuable lesson for conflict…
Mediator Insights: Help
Never be afraid to ask your mediator for help. We all need a little help sometimes. To illustrate, let’s consider Audrey Wood’s Silly Sally, which is a children’s book written in rhyme. I’d like to share a few excerpts. “Silly Sally went to town, walking backwards, upside down.” “Along the…
Mayer Mediation Minute: Use Your Listening Ears
Have you ever said to your kids “use your listening ears”? Just as it is important that our children use their listening ears at home and at school, so too is it important that we use our listening ears in mediation. As a mediator, I work hard to listen to…
Mayer Mediation Minute: Word Cues
As a mediator, I pay attention to word cues. You should too. As you interact with others, listen for the words they use. Not just what the words mean, but the words that are said. Subconsciously, we all offer cues on how we process information. Someone who processes through logical…
Mediator Insights: The Power of Flexible Thinking
In any dispute, there is often a wide disparity between what each side wants and what either side may realistically get. One of the critical components in bridging the resolution divide is flexible thinking. Flexible thinking means the ability to adapt and adjust as the facts, the law, and the…
Mediator Insights: Leave Your Expectations at the Door
In the world of dispute resolution and mediation, everyone has expectations. Sometimes those expectations are basic or practical. For example, parties expect to know when and where to be for the mediation. Parties expect the mediator to address the process and ground rules for the mediation. They expect to have…
Mediator Insights: The Power of Presence
Never underestimate the power of being present. This is true in all interactions and particularly true in mediation. In mediation, often the power of presence can unblock the pathway to resolution. To illustrate, let’s consider Cori Doerrfeld’s The Rabbit Listened. Taylor has a box of building blocks. Taylor works hard…
Mayer Mediation Minute: Think
In mediation, it is important to pause and take the time to think. Think before you speak. Think before you react. Think before you respond. Think before you reject. Think before you decide. Use that time to think about your needs, instead of your wants. Use that time to think…